A Cup of coffee mixed in with a packet of Doubt
by shiri-san
Summary: While Hayato and Ryu mix drinks and coffee for their part-time jobs, they cannot help but doubt each others' feelings. Is this feeling closer to physical or emotional needs or something along the lines of what some people may call love?


Title: A Cup of Coffee mixed with a packet of Doubt to go

Pairing(s): Odagiri Ryu x Yabuki Hayato

Rating: R / M / NC-17

Genre: Romance

Disclaimer: I could only wish.

Summary: While Ryu and Hayato mix drinks and coffee for their part-time job, they cannot help but doubt each others' feelings. Is this feeling closer to physical or emotional needs or something along the lines of what some people may call love?

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Ryu looked in disgust when those women flirted with Hayato. Couldn't they see that Hayato was gay, and therefore, not interested in them, and especially, not free for them to take? Idiots.

Hayato looked slightly uncomfortable but played along. Ryu knew that he needed to do it in order to keep customers coming, but it hurt. If it wasn't only an act?

Even worse was that guy sitting in the corner. He came every day, ordered an Irish coffee, and always wanted to order it from Ryu. A couple of times Hayato had tried to take the order but the reply had always been, "I'm still thinking" with a cold smile. Later, when Ryu had asked, he had stated the same order as always before.

Yeah, _thinking_. Right. That was a pretty way to put it.

That guy had hair that was dyed blonde, very slight frame and big eyes. Exactly the type Ryu would have been attracted to earlier.

God, Hayato really wished it was just earlier and not anymore. At least Ryu always complained about the guy.

Ryu had seen the way the women looked at Hayato. He needed to admit that it wasn't only Hayato, but also him and basically any good-looking men. Still, them looking at Hayato was the real matter.

It couldn't be because of the occasional people that they kept coming back, to order those lattes and sherrys. Also, it should be fairly obvious to them that he didn't have any interest in anybody but Hayato.

Hayato had believed to be straight for such a long time. Maybe he would reconsider his decision and promptly closet himself again? Maybe he would think that it all was a mistake and that, actually, he really preferred women's gender and soft touch to Ryu's hands gripping his hips and Ryu's teeth biting his shoulder.

Maybe the need for something feminine and gentle was the real reason for Hayato not ever wanting to tie him or to be tied?

At least those women should understand that they both couldn't have Hayato. While hunting for a man, two was a crowd.

Besides, it would be possible only over his dead body.

Ryu loved topping Hayato. It was fairly new and exciting, and completely wonderful.

He loved the feeling of thrusting inside Hayato, and the feeling of his cock trapped in Hayato. He also loved the feeling that Hayato loved him enough to let him do it.

He hated the feeling the he might hurt Hayato. Or that he might force Hayato to do something he didn't want to do.

He made love to Hayato, tried to be as gentle as possible, and he tried to think what Hayato might want, and he was more unsure than sure.

He wasn't sure that Hayato would stop him, and he couldn't bear the thought of hurting.

There was nothing better in the whole world than being shoved against a wall, when Hayato kissed him and groped him, and obviously wanted him badly.

Ryu loved being pinned on the wall, with Hayato biting and kissing and caressing and undressing him. Nobody else had ever been able to do that. All the others had been bottoms, who weren't a match for him. They had let him do whatever he had wanted, and it had been plain boring.

It was just such a pity that Hayato didn't take him more often.

Hayato decided that they needed to talk. Being unsure was driving him crazy.

He could, theoretically, bear the idea of losing Ryu to someone else, but he would never do it voluntarily. Still, if sacrificing the relationship was needed in order not to sacrifice the friendship, he would do it.

He knew very well that there was no-one like him in the whole world for Ryu, and that nobody could ever take his place even if Ryu was shagging someone else. With someone else it would be shagging, with him it was making love.

Therefore, he could give away the sex. It was such a minor thing anyway, or so he wanted to think (until Ryu's fingers travelled down his chest followed by the tongue, and until he panted on the bed). His life hadn't seen fun before Ryu, and therefore, Ryu was a necessity.

He had seen the glint in Ryu's eyes, when he pressed him against the wall, and there was always the possibility that Ryu wanted it rough and that Ryu wanted to be taken by someone stronger, and that Ryu didn't really want to have anybody but him.

They needed to talk.

When Ryu came home and found Hayato making curry (chicken, which had always been Ryu's favourite) and the chilled Riesling on the table to warm a bit, to make the petrol taste more, he rapidly tried to remember if he had forgotten some important day.

Unless Hayato celebrated their six years, two months and 4 days of knowing each other, or maybe 4 years, 1 month and 25 days of relationship, he couldn't figure out any suitable reason.

He walked to Hayato, wrapped his arms around Hayato's waist and nuzzled his neck, "What's the reason? Anything special?"

"Nothing special. I just thought that we could talk a bit and I decided to make an effort," Hayato smiled back, slightly tensely.

That tenseness made Ryu worry. "Everything alright?" he asked. If Hayato was making his favourite food and trying to take care that he got just the wine it wanted and served just the way he wanted it, it couldn't be too bad, could it? Or was it just a very nice and gentle way to leave him? He really wanted to stop thinking.

"Everything is fine," Hayato smiled, but still not easily.

"Hell, is it something I've done?" Ryu asked and continued, "Do you want to leave me and do it according to all the how-to-leave-your-boyfriend-gently guides?" He knew he sounded frantical, but he couldn't avoid it.

"Me, leave, you?" Hayato asked, abandoning the curry to the stove and turning to Ryu, "I could never leave you."

"Okay, good," Ryu smiled, "Now, tell me, what is this about, then?"

Hayato turned slightly pink, then slightly darker pink, and gradually red, when he tried to utter any words.

"It can't be that horrible. What do you want? Are you trying to persuade me or something?" Ryu asked.

Finally Hayato was able to say, "What would it sound if I told you that I was trying to persuade you to have me?"

Ryu stared at him, eyes wide and mouth open, brain trying to work fast but not really understanding anything.

"Okay, then," Hayato started, trying to find the least embarrassing way of explaning he could, "I was afraid that you might want someone else. That boy in the corner table in the café, to be exact."

"What? I mean, never. Didn't I complain clearly enough about him?" Ryu asked, still not really sure that Hayato hadn't lost his sense.

"Yeah, you complained, but I don't know. He was just your type... I mean, your type before me, or something," Hayato tried to explain, still blushing furiously.

"So, he's just my old type, but you are my type now, and I complain about him and he still tries to flirt, so you make the conclusion that I might want him?" Gee, Ryu was sure that Hayato used to be sensible and intelligent. Maybe he had misjudged, or maybe Hayato had lost his mind in all the making drinks and serving coffee business.

"Yeah," Hayato replied, slihgtly sheepishly. "But hey, you asked if I wanted to leave you, so what the hell was that about?"

"Um, those women in the café..." Ryu replied, understanding that he didn't sound any more intelligent than Hayato had sounded.

"Oh, great," Hayato wasn't able to say anything else. He decided to hug Ryu instead.

They had been really badly in need of a talk.

"Hey, Hayato, do you know that I really like it when you take me?" Ryu asked one evening, already quite sleepy.

"Yeah, I guess I know," Hayato replied.

"Then why don't you do it more often? Don't you like it?" Ryu was slightly more awaken now.

"I like it. It's not a matter of that. I guess, I'm afraid of hurting you or that you wouldn't like it, after so many submissive partners," Hayato realized that it was surprisingly difficult to sensibly describe it.

"Stupid," Ryu said fondly, "I'm bored of those. I want you, and I want you to take me as hard and as often as you want to."

"Okay, just tell me to stop if needed, promise?"

"Sure, good night."

Hayato backed Ryu against the front door as soon as they were inside. It had been a long day and the customers even worse than normally. He had lost count of the flirting ones after one hour (and the count being somewhere around thirtyfive), and during the day five had tried to pinch Ryu and three slap his ass. It didn't matter how many had tried to do something to him, because only Ryu mattered.

Oh yes, and then there had been that one pathetic guy who had also come to Ryu, "I lost my keys, could you accomodate me for the night?"

Way too much for one day, and to be professional, he hadn't had a chance to even hold Ryu's hand, let alone kiss him. The world was unfair. Except that it was him, and not anybody else, who walked with Ryu, and who had the priviledge to press him to the wall, and kiss him, and open the zipper of his jeans, and see Ryu writhe and hear the moans. It made him believe in the justice again.

Ryu was _his_, and nobody could do anything with that. And he knew that Ryu enjoyed it.

He took the scarf from around his neck and tied it around Ryu's hands. He was slightly stronger, not much but just enough to do that easily, especially, when it was sudden and surprising.

It gave so many new possibilities, when Ryu was a bit more helpless.

He loved struggle for dominance, but even more, he loved the slightly shifty look in Ryu's eyes, when Ryu gave up. He also loved the way he knew Ryu would beg.

He dropped Ryu's already open jeans, and get more room to caress and touch. He did it slowly and with only the barest touch to drive Ryu desperate. He sucked the side of Ryu's throat, and bit a bit. There was the small spot, just under the neck, and just between two bones, that he knew Ryu would love him to lick. He avoided it, to ensure that Ryu would beg slightly faster.

There was always the one minor, or actually, quite major problem while teasing Ryu. He couldn't really avoid getting hot and horny, and wanting to just put Ryu on the floor, strip away all his clothes, put the condom on, prepare Ryu fast and thrust in.

But that would take the fun away.

Hayato just concentrated on small detail, like Ryu's nipples, or the interesting structures of his bones, or the angle of his jaw, or the white stripe in black boxers, or anything, that could distract him from the general picture that was just too good not to be shagged immediately.

He pressed Ryu's together tied hands just over the head to give his own free hand as much area to move as possible.

He trailed his fingers along the muscle on Ryu's thigh, and had he been in any stage to actually _think_, he would have wondered, how he ever thought that he might be happy with a woman. Or how he ever thought that he might be happy with anyone else but Ryu.

That was when he made the big mistake of looking at Ryu's mouth. Lips parted and slightly moist, head thrown back, tongue visible behind teeth. Hayato couldn't remember if he had ever seen anything equally sexy. Ryu's presence tended to do him that. Even with a half-working brain he could have remembered that the last time had been the previous evening, and also then he had wondered, if it had been the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

"Bedroom, now," Hayato whispered, not really knowing why he was whispering instead of speaking with the normal voice.

He untied Ryu's hands, because he needed Ryu's fingers digging in his sides, and pulling him closer and deeper, and occasionally turning his head to make his neck more vulnerable.

He undid the buttons of his own shirt, and his belt on the way to the bedroom. He shrugged the shirt off of him, and undid his jeans, and dropped them to the floor beside the bed before finally Hayatong off his underwear, and even socks.

Socks weren't necessary, but they were a ritual for him. He wanted to tease himself, and to check if he had much enough patience left to take off the socks. He hadn't failed yet, but it was never easy, and, not very surprisingly, it didn't become easier with practice, merely harder.

He went to get the lube and condoms from the bedside locker. (Ryu had once laughed that actually every room should have its own supply of those, but as of now, the only ones were in the bedroom.)

He needed Ryu so badly. He didn't think he could be fast enough. He threw the lube to Ryu, knowing that Ryu liked to prepare himself and knowing that it would at least make everything a bit faster. Besides, he enjoyed the view.

He wrapped the condom on before going to the bed. He nibbled Ryu's jaw line. "You ready?" he finally asked.

"I need you," Ryu replied.

Hayato thrusted in slowly. He was so close already. Fortunately, Ryu wasn't much behind, so it wouldn't be a catastrophe if he came immediately. Slightly embarrassing, maybe, but Ryu could take it as a compliment.

Maybe he shouldn't worry about it. Problems had ways of solving themselves. Besides, there were greater problems in life and bigger things to worry than coming too soon because of being able to shag the sexiest man on earth.

Been a while since I wrote anything so i would really appreciate some comments. ^~^


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